Posts Tagged reflection

The carrot, the egg, and the coffee bean

Got this in an email.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that, as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what do you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” the young woman replied. The mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water – but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened! The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. “Which are you?” the mother asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong but, with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit but, after a death, a breakup, or a financial hardship, does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

A lovely message, and a reminder that we can be what we we choose to be.

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What’s with the social networking craze?

Okay, all right! This rant is a couple of years too late to even pretend to be a surprised reaction to Facebook, Twitter, etc., but though I get these tools, I don’t quite get why people would want to Share their every activity. Or Tweet them to the whole wide world, for that matter. Like, “I went to the market today”, or “I ate a 24″ pizza :D :D ”; for eloquence, you can’t beat a simple “WTF” [pardon the language (if you understand what the acronym stands for)]. Gone was the time when children used to be worried sick about being caught using swear-words or invectives. These words have now entered the popular teen- and pre-teen-culture, and seem to have become accepted as well, their meaning be damned.

For some time, I got caught up in this let-the-world-know-what-I’m-upto craze, and then the whole thing started sounding more and more crazy to me. Why would I want everyone to know what I was up to, every hour of my day? Why would any one, for that matter? Is this some (partly) grown-up version of “I’m better” or “I have a better toy” game that kids play regularly? “Is your social network better than mine?” What is it about humans that makes them want to, at the risk of losing whatever little privacy they have in these days of the omnipresent Google street-mapping cameras, reach out to everyone in their circle, however faintly they’re connected?

I don’t have any answer that fits all these questions, but I do have some guesses:

  1. Emotional deprivation: it’s a reflection of people’s innate need to be accepted as part of some group, some circle. A need to be accepted. Period.
  2. Utility: services like Google Places, Foursquare and Yelp are conceivably helpful to people in discovering new restaurants, places of retreat, places to party, etc.
  3. Ego: some people simply want to brag about being rich enough to be in a certain location; their geekiness; themselves.

Obviously, these questions and answers / guesses merely scratch the surface of a deep, but clearly real, need for people to share their thoughts, actions, whereabouts with others, sometimes even inadvertently. The big question, Why, is something that professional sociologists are better equipped to answer than I.

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Sardarjis – food for thought

Came across this in an email, and realised that the truly mindless people have been the ones who have taken delight in spreading jokes about Sardars which are, when you think about it, in bad taste. I’ve often been guilty of doing it too. To all Sardars, I am truly sorry, and am deeply ashamed of the insults I’ve helped heap upon your proud race. A race which has produced such courageous freedom fighters like Bhagat Singh. I’ll strive to remember this every time I see an email with Sardar jokes.

My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you.

During last vacation, his few friends came to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, ”Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes.. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don’t mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world..

But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.’

My friend continued, ‘That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn’t find a single Sardar begging anywhere.’

MORAL: The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry, … but he will never beg on the streets.

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Character Sketch; Introspection

Do you remember your school days? The English classes in particular? Where they used to read us a lesson and then give us assignments like “Draw a character sketch of such-and-such character”? Of course, the teachers used to give the answers to these themselves until we reached class eleven, but that’s not what I’m trying to drive at.

What I want to bring your attention to is the fact that these days, such a thing as a character sketch seems so…outmoded. This is after all the age of fast food, two-hour Carnatic music concerts and instant gratification; who really has the time for character sketches? In our relentless pursuit of more wealth, more enjoyment, and more entertainment, we don’t pause to think about people; not their words, not their actions. Most of the time, we are obsessed with what’s happening elsewhere, definitely not what’s roiling within our own minds. Most of us are not even aware of the punishing pace that we put our bodies and minds through. We’ve been fed the idea that more is better, and we gleefully submit to the consumerist indoctrination. We don’t stop to think about our own lives, where we are going and what we’re becoming. The media – TV, newspapers, websites – feeds this dangerous superficial extroversion and seldom makes us introspect.

Even when we’re with friends, we’re talking something all the time; it’s almost as if we’re scared of the silences that may engulf us if we don’t make small talk. As somebody said, it’s only in the depths of silence that the voice of God can be heard, but we seem to be afraid of the truths that may emerge from the stillness of our mind. Indeed, we’re frightened by the very thought of introspection. Silence and stillness are looked down upon, if at all they manage to not be overlooked, these days. The mind tends to be restless, but it’s only when it is stilled that concentration can be achieved; and without concentration, what can we really hope to achieve that has any lasting value? We prefer the company of people, even those that we’re not particularly fond of, to a few moments of undisturbed solitude.

What exactly is it about solitude that scares us? Why are we afraid to look within? Are we scared that inconvenient truths about our own selves may bubble up, once the insignificant thoughts crowding our minds are pushed aside? Are we scared of who we may actually be? If that’s indeed the case, if what we may really be scares us badly, then it’s imperative that the pain be borne while we look inside. For, the problems of the inner world manifest themselves as problems in the external world. We vent our anger on our family when we are faced with a situation in which we are unable to assert ourselves; our inability to solve problems in the workplace may get translated into cruel worlds spoken to our parents / children.

If we’re to be at peace with the world, we have to first make peace with ourselves, for the two are inextricably intertwined. Without one, the other can’t have an enduring presence.

As the year draws to a close, it’s as good a time as any to look back at what we have done over the year; what we have learnt about ourselves – no matter how bitter that may be or how uncomfortable that may leave us; how far have we come in the quest to be the best that we can be. There’s no need to be overwhelmed by how much we have to learn yet; instead, we can satisfy ourselves by the progress we have made in our journey towards self-actualisation.

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Life – what exactly is it?

We’re born, we go to school, then pursue “higher education” at some college / university, start our professional careers, get married, produce kids, and then die. Of course, some of the luckier ones among us have a lot of fun in all this. My question is, is this what life’s all about? I can quite understand that as humans, we need to eat, sleep and, pardon me, pee – these are inevitable things indeed.

Beyond these things, however, do we question our actions? Why do we go to school? Because our parents sent us there, and we didn’t really have a choice. Why do we go to college? Because we start feeling vaguely uneasy that if we don’t, then we’d perhaps not get “ahead” in life, or maybe because we feel that it’d be fun to spend some time there; more common, I’ve noticed, is the inner voice that tells us that a good degree ensures a good job – after all, an engineering degree is usually a gateway (in India, at any rate) to pursuing higher education abroad; and that higher education is a means of gaining a higher salary. A genuine desire to learn for the sake of acquiring knowledge is probably the least common of the reasons why we study.

The reason for holding down a job are pretty obvious, so I doubt if I should discuss it at all.

Marriage – this is possibly the most discussed topic among people who have crossed a certain age (ask, and I shall tell you!). It’s also the most often quoted ingredient of the act of “settling down” in life; in fact, in some communities, settling down and marrying are almost synonymous. Please indulge me as I make the (admittedly stupid) assumption that the reasons given by a very small sample of the human population (of roughly a dozen or so friends and strangers) to be representative of the entire human race. Here are the top reasons why people marry:

  1. Everybody marries! (“…so why shouldn’t I?”)
  2. What else will you do in life later on? (“come on, there isn’t much fun in life without a marriage!”)
  3. One has to settle down in life, you know (whatever that means!)
  4. We need companionship in our later years (hmmm, seems to make some sense)
  5. I love him / her, and want to spend the rest of my life with him (this makes sense too)
  6. I love to have kids! (really? Why don’t you adopt some orphans then?)
  7. Mmm, er, it’s a legally sanctioned way to, you know, make out, you know what I mean? No? (looks of embarrassment) Well, you know, you can make love with a member of the other sex all your life (that’s pretty direct!)
  8. I want to let the human race survive (ah, behold the great philanthropist at work; he’s perhaps the one that smokes so that employees of tobacco companies don’t go starving)
  9. Peer pressure (I dig this!)
  10. It’s the done thing (oh yeah?)
  11. My parents want me to marry, and I don’t want to disappoint them (duh?)
  12. I don’t have the courage to face life without a life partner (this person is at least honest)

I’ll let you form your own conclusions from the above. However, you’ll notice that a lot of people don’t really seem to have honest answers, and usually pass off other people’s views as their own, or maybe they’ve hypnotised themselves into believing those views.

The last act of any human being is that of dying – and this is something over which we don’t have any control – at least, not unless you’re a highly evolved yogi – so it’s pointless discussing this either.

In summary, I think we go through life mostly in deference to opinions that are not necessarily our own. To be fair, there are many situations over which we have no control, so that ought to somehow mitigate the charge of our actions being mindless, but all things considered, I can’t help feeling that we are mindless automatons, most often programmed by society, and somewhat less often by ourselves.

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Good friends are like rare gems

I’ve heard it said that good friends are like good wine – both get better as they grow older. Not that this friend that I have in mind is old or anything, but you get the point, don’t you?

I think the first time we saw each other – more than six years ago – was when another friend of mine brought her to my office. I remember the bright face, the intelligent eyes, and a big, warm smile. It was not exactly a meeting, because after smiling and flinging a “Hi” at each other, we went our ways. But within a short period of time, we caught on really well, and very soon were chatting away for hours on the phone or the Net. It was an exciting time for me, because I was quite dumb, without any worldly experience to speak of, and she had already switched jobs twice (or more, I’m not sure), and so I could learn quite a few things from her. I was always in awe of the fact that she celebrated life like no one else I knew then did. She wasn’t afraid of many things, and you could trust her to speak her mind, damn the consequences; I admired that. At the same time, she knew when to hold herself back too. I remember one glorious Music Season at Madras when she, myself and another friend had a whale of a time listening to Indian Classical Music.

Her marriage was a happy occasion, with tons of friends and relatives. She met married life in the same way that she did anything: with gusto! Her husband turned out to be a terrific match, with a love of good life that equalled hers. I’ve watched with quiet happiness as they more or less waltzed through their years of marriage, now with a trip to Africa, and then a trip to Australia (her husband is the classic “Travelling Salesman”).

The first time I visited their home in Bombay was three years after I moved to Pune. But I enjoyed the trip thoroughly as it gave me a good opportunity to get to know her husband better. We went shopping, and had a lovely multi-cuisine dinner where I, as usual, almost made a fool of myself ordering an extra cup of ghee. Her husband saved me from the embarrassing situation I would have been in by cancelling it quickly! And the second time I visited them (this time on my bike), I made a mistake while coming back, which has now led to her calling me her “backtracker friend”! :-)

She may not be perfect, and may have faults that are all her own. But she’s dear to me, because she’s one of my best friends.

P.S.: Today is not the world friendship day or anything. In fact, I hate such “special” days. I celebrate friendship whenever I feel like it.

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L.I.F.E.

I felt, for the first time, that I knew what Ayn Rand might have meant when she said something like, “Man must make a choice between life and death every moment of his life.” I was sitting at home, eating my lunch when I felt, not for the first time, that I couldn’t quite justify my existence; that my daily routine was simply a trick to avoid facing the fact that I had no clue as to what I was supposed to be doing with the rest of my life; that I was merely leading the life of an aimless automaton.

Am I to feel happy about that new program that I saw on the Net the other day? Am I to jump up and down, excited about a white-water rafting trip that I’ve been contemplating for some time now, and the invitation for which landed in my mailbox today? Am I to feel thrilled about my planned participation in a tennis state-level tournament in January with my neighbour? Or am I to shut the hell up and “just live”, as many well-wishers have asked me to?

I don’t know. And by not knowing, my torpid state continues unchallenged.

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